Begin rant…

Yesterday was tough. I am two weeks into my first “professional” month. The first one I was up like $500. Now I am in the red a few bucks mainly because losing a $109 coupon you won in a $11 satellite is technically the same as losing $109. On top of losing all the $109s, I haven't been winning many of the easier games either even though I know I am 10x better than I was a month ago. If I dont ship anything decent today, I will have to cancel a cash out (that's one good thing about waiting weeks to get money off US sites. It's usually still there when you hit that downswing)

The point is I am handling it a bit better, but it's a process. I havent punched a new hole in the wall in weeks. I yell now instead. I dont drink or do any drugs, but I destroyed some Taco Bell until I was sick last night. Nachos are probably just as effective as weed or liquor.

The best thing is just the group support. Like whenever I am pissed enough to cry, I think about Marc and it makes me smile. I owe him big time for that. I almost want to video myself punching holes in the wall and then cut to me paying my repair man to fix it as a way to maybe help others like his crying story helped me.

Also, I posted a standard (not even bad) beat in the sweat thread and got a little support from some guys even though they probably knew I shouldnt have posted it there. That's why I am loyal to TPE. A teacher needs to have patience if he is going to help a student grow. I have had to high five a 15 year old for knowing 12 times 12 in order to keep him engaged long enough to learn 8 times 7. Imagine if I had dismissed his struggles because he should have learned that years ago.

I know I shouldnt care when I lose a standard flip for all my chips on the bubble of a big tourney with almost nothing left in my account. The guys that posted on my sweat (really bbv) thread definitely didnt care, yet they let me vent anyway. Sorry guys. I was being a bitch, but I needed a there there at the time. Im still human for now, but im working on that.

Actually, I am trying to decide if I even want to become a cyborg like some of the pros who can lose millions and shrug it off. Is that even necessary? I dont think so. I think it's a choice. You will be fine either way as long as it doesnt affect later play like Benny says. Helmuth does ok and he tilts harder than a lot of us. I actually thinks he fakes some of that crap and it's part of the reason he is so well known and marketable. He probably gets a kick out of watching it on tape. I think I am starting to like the pain a little myself. It creates an emotional high and a funny ass story for later.

So when you play later today, I will rail you if you think you might ship something and I will give you the ole sick river bro when your AKo loses to QQ. If you decide to punch a wall, get drunk, or overeat, it's not because you are a monkey tilter that should quit poker, it's because deep down you like doing that kind of shit anyway and the beat just gave you permission to rage like you would all the time if it was socially acceptable to do so. No matter what happens today, when you come down off that painfully awesome emotional high, I will be here to learn some poker with you, so come back when you are ready. You only lose when you quit.

End rant.

Man. This week just keeps getting better and better. That's awesome man. Especially coming from you. Thanks Big Dog. I am so honored to be a part of this community.

“Wow Simply Wow. Great and Inspiring.” I think I just found my next scrotum tattoo.

(Yeah, im probably gonna keep running with this big balls joke until some one asks me to cut it out. I am just barely immature enough to find it funny, but I acknowledge that some may find it obnoxious. I can respect that.)

love you guys man!